A Moustache in Japan

In twelve hours, we will be boarding a plane - and I couldn’t let you guys down without a photograph of my moustache and I in action, before we are corrupted by the totally unpredictable culture I hold in my hands.

I hope to get back to Internet soon, with updates on how long my moustache has grown - and why!

Before I forget, I am up for buying you guys gifts if you tell me what you want.  You have to tell me what you want, though, or else I will forget about you.  Also, maybe I won’t get you some if I don’t like you enough.  You can always try, though,

Also, they might all be giant moustaches instead of the gifts you want.  Just a precaution.

We are excited - ten days ’til Japan.  However, we do not know very many things about travel and request your help.  Here is a list of what we are planning on bringing, and anyone with good ideas about what we are missing/what is unnecessary, let us know.  Thank you.

• Video Camera
• Computer
• Nintendo DS
• Not a Razor
• Chip ‘N Dale Rescue Rangers (for Plane Ride?)
• Credit Card

In addition, here are some predictions we are making about what will happen when and if we return from Japan.  We will later revisit them to test their accuracy.

• If I have lost weight, my mother will say, “It musta been all that healthy Japanese food!”
• If I have gained weight, my mother will say, “It musta been all that dee-lish Japanese food!”
• I will accidentally not pay for about 20 things but no one will tell me because I am a stupid American.
• My hair will be longer.

Any advice you could give us in the next days would be truly appreciated.

Abroad go!

So I had to basically do a Japanese scavenger hunt today.  It maybe improved my Japanese?  I don’t have pictures but here’s the story.  Wait, actually, I do have pictures, but they are unrelated.

So I as I am going to Tokyo this week, I thought I would buy a ticket to the famous Studio Ghibli museum, home to all worthwhile anime.  However, while riding home, I apparently lost my ticket (my moustache was in an angry mood and used its telekinesis is my guess) and didn’t realize ’til very late.  I decided to look for it tomorrow (today).

So in the morning, I found a dirtied old ticket that looked like a dirtier version of mine, except what little Japanese I could read didn’t really say “Admit One” so I went to the store I had bought it at and double-checked.  Apparently, I had lost half of what I was supposed to have, and the half I had was the half that didn’t matter.  But, luckily, one of the clerks said “Oh you dropped it by the elevator building, right?” and I had, so she told me something about the police, which sounded to me like the police found it and have it.  I was overjoyed so I ventured to the police station.

Well, they don’t speak English in the police station, so whenever the police I was talking to got lost, he whipped out a dry-erase board and started drawing pictures or letting me write it in English (usually Japanese students learn how to read but not speak or understand.) It turned out they did not have the ticket, but apparently someone had found it and come in to Lawson’s, and then proceeded to say they were going to hand it over to the police later.  Well, I am leaving in two days, and who knows what “later” means in Japanese, so I just bought another ticket.  But I can officially say I have been inside a police station now, which wasn’t really a goal but I can pretend.

I was in a ninja tournament a long long time ago, and have decided to talk about it.  I did not place, but it was immensely fun, and I got katana-shaped letter openers as a consolation prize.  My ninja name was “Kuchi-hige,” the Japanese word for moustache.

These are my ninja garments.  As you can see, they are tailored such that there is a giant tear in the side where my boxers stick out.  This is supposed to happen.

This, not so much.  I kind of tore my pants crawling up a wall but I didn’t lose hope. Basically there were five events; obstacle course (pants broke, got new pants), jump contest (didn’t make the inital jump), the shuriken toss (I did surprisingly well at this), the running-across-water (I fell and got dirty), and finally, the Water Spider (I ripped my pants again, got dirtier, and ended up looking like the picture below.  It was a great time.

I wish I could format these posts better.

Drink of the Day! Special Edition

We have finally reached the most important part of the day, the best drink.  Here it is, in all it’s glory: Match Match.

Technically it’s just called “Match” but the bottle says otherwise, plus it just flows better as double.  This drink has all sorts of ions and things (as advertised on the wrapper) that don’t really mean anything to mean except a false pretense unto which purchase mass quantities.

Let me tell you what Match Match tastes like: Liquid Smarties.  That is all.  Gone are the negative chalky qualities, and all that is left is pure delicious ecstacy.  Sadly, it is not that easy to find (naturally, it must be the most popular thing), but if I could, I would drink it solely.

8/8

Other Drinks!

There are two more drinks I wish to discuss.

Bikkle is not only a scary name but a scary color so I was very hesitant, but as I made it a goal to drink something new at every opportunity, I allowed myself to try it.

I liked it!  It tastes like Orange Creamsicle in a can, but the color is still too weird for it to be perfect.

7/8

Dekavita C boasts of health but again, is sketchy with its ridges and brownness.  Because my internet refuses to post this, I have had to type Dekavita C’s information three times.  Therefore, it no longer gets any explanation and a point lower.

6/8

Moustache you later.

Well, goodbye.  I am back in America and speaking in English is weird.  There are also fewer mountains here.

I will probably keep this travel log here, but all hidden-like in that I will no longer link to it.  I will present you with my final form, taken at a party the day before I left.

With about an amazing 15 posts down, we draw to a close.  My moustache is drooping, in need of some wax, and it is ready to return.  I have to comply with its wishes.  Now I am going talk about the best things Japan has versus America, and then vice versa.

Japan Is Better Than America Because:

1) It has bicycle locks on the back of every bike.  They go through your wheels and they are ubiquitous and you can never forget to lock your bike because they use keys and it’s the easiest thing and I need to figure out a way to end this sentence before I get to

2) Vending machines are everywhere, and they are so convenient.  Sure, they are a little expensive, but no one really cares because the drinks are so fun.

3) There are no tips in this place.  That is amazing.  You can be a jerk to waitresses all day, and I full take advantage of this fact.

4) Convenient stores are almost as prevalent as vending machines, and they have microwaves to warm up things you buy.  Also they have the “American Dog” which is a corndog.

5) The Japanese LOVE moustaches.  It is unexpected, but I guess since mine is so radical (in the late 80s, early 90s terminology), not that unexpected.

6) Their restaurants always change their menus, nearly monthly.  This little dog comic up here is for the month where MOS Burger (Moutain Ocean Sky Burger (!?)) went through their  chili-phase.  Right now they are in Mushroom Month.

7) There are parks right in the middle of huge cities.  This is Tokyo’s main goverment area, and there is a little garden thing here.  This never happens in America, but should.

And finally) This pink guy.

America Is Better Than Japan Because:

1) Where the Japan have vending machines, America has garbage cans and water fountains.  The Japanese are tricky creatures that force you to use vending machines because there is no other choice.

2) Taco Bell does not exist here, and I had to find other means of laxatives.

3) They do not like heat in their houses if they can help it.  This bothers me as my feet feel like frostbite personified.

4) Freedom.  Really.  This thing is actually pretty cool.

Anyway, I am going home and will probably never update again.  Maybe once or twice more after culture shock.  Thanks for staying with me; I will leave you with the best pictures I have at my disposal.